The salamanders list was:
Horde of Salamander Primes
Troop of Unblooded with blade of slashing
troop of unblooded with mace of crushing
Regiment of Ancients with brew of courage
Troop of Corsairs
Horde of Tyrants
Regiment of Kaisenor Lancers with Potion of Caterpillar
Komodon
Fire Drake
Clan Lord on Kaisenor Raptor Mount with pipes of terror
Mage-Priest on Kaisenor Raptor with heal 3 and inspiring talisman
Ghekkotah Skylord with Brew of Strength
And the Stalkers were:
Legion of scarecrows
Regiment of Phantoms with KAba's Holy Hand Grenade (don't ask)
Horde of Butchers
Horde of Fiends
Mind-screech
Shadow-Hulk
Planar Apparition
Terror
Portal of Despair
Horror with Kevinar's Flying Hammer (totally forgot to use this)
Shade with fire-oil
Salamanders won the roll off to deploy first with the scenario being Invade (only units in your opponents half of the table score points). The salamanders easily won the deployment phase of the game with a combination of dead drops and more units than we could shake a tentacle at. I was new to this army which showed in more than a few ways. Thankfully my opponent evened the odds by using dice of bad rolling from that other company that blew up the lizards world...
The silly colored lava lizard deployment was as such:
Pesky unblooded with a mounted hero and his kaisenor lancer buddies held his right flank but they would soon find out the dice gods were angry...
The center was a mix of colors which hurt our eyes almost as much as the bright yellow sands of the desert. From our (the correct point of view) left to right was a mounted mage, fire drake, regiment of ancients, komodon, an extra pesky troop of corsairs hiding a horde of tyrants behind them, and a gekohtah sky lord (who had far too little training as we will see)
Their left flank was a less than adorable conglomeration of yet another pesky troop of unblooded and a big old horde of lava lizard primes (lesser primes really as it was proven they did not eat their wheaties on this of all days).
The glorious and quite just empire of the Night-Stalkers (no favoritism here) had a far better (worse) deployment than those filthy and evil (actually good aligned) molten rock reptiles.
Our righteous right flank was taken up with a shadowhulk on the far end, a horde of fiends, a mind screech and a shade behind the pyramid.
Our center line was an impossible to break mixture of a scarecrow legion and terror (also an almost unnoticeably small horror next to him) with the planar apparition hiding behind to be annoying. The portal of despair was placed with the utmost care (practically randomly) to assure the enemy would be at -2 nerve all the while (due to bad placement it was annihilated long before it had a chance to affect the battle!)
Finally my ludicrous left flank was held up by the regiment of phantoms and a horde of butchers. These would prove to be the second most lucky models in the game...
The Night stalkers somehow woke up early enough to win the roll off and went first! Knowing that the greater side of justice was propelling them to victory they simply moved up a little ways managed a tiny surge with the scarecrows. This would be the only real interaction that horror would have with the game as he was obviously in a strong union and allowed to take breaks mid battle (translation: I had no idea what I was doing).
As the nightstalkers prepared to deploy hugs and friendship with their new found lizard companions they responded by moving forward under the guise of mutual free hugs. The guise was dropped immediately in the shooting phase as they attempted to blow up our friendship idol (portal of despair) with all manner of fireballs and pistols. The less than friendship oriented green poker chip meant it took 5 damage but still decided to hang around in hopes of changing their minds about the friendship idol (still a portal of despair but pretty friendly).
The end of the exciting and eventful (note a giant paper monster has taken up residence in the desert) first turn looked like this:
Turn the second started off with the fiends regrettably charging off to hug the unblooded against my orders (plausible deniability?). This would end up being a very wrong move. Obviously they fell apart due to excessive hugging and the fiends won a short lived victory...
Meanwhile the Butchers made close friends with another troop of unblooded and they too just fell too pieces (shody craftsmanship). Unfortunately the mounted lava lizard was made of hardier stuff and survived a brief haunting by the phantoms who tried to write it off as a prank.
The planar apparition turned its eyes to the portal and attempted to keep it alive managing a mighty 2 points of healing out of 7! At this point it was obvious that our idol of friendship would never (meaning soon) fall.
The mind screech did its part by shouting greetings at the giant horde of lizards not realizing that they were offended by his foreign ways taking 2 whole damage. The shadow hulk (sir not appearing in this photo) shuffled off to the far right in hopes of giving the biggest hugs.
The shade ran over to parlay with the komodon, an action that would take most of the game and end in a breakdown of communication. The end of the turn looked a little like this:
The now obviously filthy lizards proved that they wanted no part of our friendship and attacked us unprovoked (it isn't our fault that our hugs broke their delicate skin parts)! The ancients ran headlong into the terror (mr tentacles) causing him to blink once. The firedrake and mounted hero proved their evil ways by tearing down our idol of friendship without provocation and then had the gall to turn their attention the mr tentacles.
Meanwhile the mage would begin the most epic battle of the game by engaging a legion of scarecrows single tailed! In the backfield of the lizard lines the komodon managed to continue the parlay but his grunting and growling caused no points to be made and the shade escaped without damage to his reputation.
The lizards on lizards proved how redundant it is to create such abominations (no tentacles what were they thinking) and despite getting a somewhat janky side charge barely scratched the feelings of the butchers causing them to enter 'upset' mode. It was clear at this point that the dice gods favored those of the tentacled variety.
The rather blury sky lord engaged the equally blury mind screech and proved the justice of his people by only doing a single point of damage. This barely bruised its ego and it would prove the power of rolling 6's to hit soon! Meanwhile the horde was so stunned by the expert menuevering of the still not pictured shadow hulk (how does this thing not have stealthy after being so hard to capture on photo) that they just stayed on the hill oasis!
The evil lizards took advantage of the fiends eager (stupid) charge and hit them with a double side charge ensuring they would never hug again.
At the end of the lizrards turn it was obvious that diplomacy had failed and friendship would not be achieved this day. The stalkers would have to go to war...
Turn the third and mr tentacles, enraged by the destruction of our friendship idol, attacked the ancients causing 5 WHOLE damage! The scarecrows fought back as well causing a crushing amount (1 is crushing) of damage. The butchers and phantoms shouted much joy as the dice gods granted them the flank and the end of the lizard on lizard action. Mr eyeballs (planar apparition) took a few points of damage off the butchers (for great justice). The horror continued to make himself useful by posing next to the quicksand.
The shadow Hulk materialized into the shot in order to line up a possible (though suicidal) charge on the sky lord. He should have had far more faith in Mr Big Brain's (I think they call that a mind screech) ability to roll 6's to hit as he managed to cause 5 damage and grant the gift of giant waver stick to the silly lizard on flying lizard!
Diplomatic relations continued undaunted between the shade and komodon however relations seemed to be worsening. Meanwhile the giant paper monster in the lower left continued to thankfully slumber away...
The scaled ones took a turn (pretty sure I should get a 2-1 turn ratio but he insisted that wasn't how the game worked). The corsairs turned around after the shadow hulk emerged into the picture and the giant lizard horde prepared to unjustly murder Mr Big Brain on the right flank. The Sky lord sat befuddled at the sudden betrayal by their dice gods clearing his big waver stick for the entire turn.
In the center the komodon continued to fail to make any valid points arguing with the shade however the mounted mage had more luck talking the scarecrows into taking a single damage.
Sadly it was this turn that saw the collapse of Mr Tentacles as the combined strength of ancients, fire drake and some weird lizard thing riding a lizard took him down in one fell swoop.
Enough with this 'you go' its time for 'I go' in the fourth turn! The phantoms expertly charged into the ancients haunting them slightly while the butchers (with no regard for their own safety or objectives) advanced into certain death! At the far right the shadow hulk (again phasing out of the picture) backed up to deny a side charge of doom!
Mr Big Brain decided that 6's were too easy to hit with so instead shot his firebolts into the sky lord to hit on the much harder to manage 4+. Either way the sky lord fell out of the sky and was buried under the sand. A short victory dance was had and the tentacles rejoiced.
In other news the scare crows, through the power of 40 attacks, managed to do a few more points of damage granting the great reward of the giant waver stick unto the mounted mage. Again much rejoicing was had from the tentacles.
Unfortunately it was this turn that diplomatic relationships took a turn towards the 'unfixable' side as the shade realized he could just route the komodon. At this point friendship was off the table permanently...
The salamanders yet again took a turn (still not certain thats fair...) and with the mighty power of measuring charged into Mr Big Brain. They had no idea that he could manipulate dice with the power of mind bullets.
Obviously a horde of primes can only do a moderate amount of damage on something with an exposed brain (friends don't let friends roll GW dice) and finally the giant waver stick was mine! At this point it was obviously that victory was mine and I would refuse to let go of such a coveted prize as the waver stick.
The tyrants, having started near the komodon ages ago, felt the pain of its loss and took it out on the scarecrows flank. They were shaken yet not stirred and remained in their epic battle with the mage!
the ancients did not appreciate the mild haunting they had received and caused serious-ish damage against the phantoms.
The true horror of what evil the lizards were capable of came to light as the fire drake and mounted hero McMurdered my poof innocent butchers!
Things may not be going smoothly but both sides now breath a sigh of relief that the giant paper monster still slumbers. However the rear of Mr Big Brain is fully exposed to the deadly tape measure at the end of the turn!
It was the 5th turn that reality itself broke down and a time warp appeared on the battle field.
Translation: somehow we jumped from turn 4 to 5. I blame the evil salamanders!
So with the time warp ended it was the justice of turn 6 that I hoped would find me victorious (spoiler: NOPE)! The phantoms managed to haunt the ancients right off the board turning around to face the fire drake (from hence for labeled MVL or most valuable lizard).
The Scarecrows finally ended the tyranical reign of the mounted mage and turned to face the uh, tyrants. The Horror yet again poses gracefully next to the quicksand like a majestic peacock!
The shadow hulk had spent long enough under the radar and decided it was time to not only wrack up a good bit of damage but route the horrendously evil (possibly ugly) horde of lizards with a nerve roll of 11! This brilliantly tactical (and in no way lucky) move secured the giant waver stick from further lizardly ways.
The salamanders responded to my obviously tactical advantage (again no luck was involved) by sending their corsairs into combat agains the photo-phase-shifting hulk to cause a surprising yet useless amount of damage.
The tyrants and MVL did the unthinkable and killed my poor little cute scarecrow dolls (not creepy trust me). Obviously he was so distraught over the loss of his mage that he was driven to deplorable deeds.
The horror was attacked by the most evil of mounted heroes but managed to secure the mighty stick of wavering for the great justice of my people!
The dice was rolled at the end of the turn for turn 7 (technically 6 but hey who's counting, not us!) and a 7th (6th?) turn was had! Other than a mad dash for objective based border crossing not much else happened. Mr Big Brain managed one final act of kindness handing the great waver stick to the enemy in hopes of future friendship. The fire drake attempted to enter long range diplomatic relations with the shade but failed utterly.
The giant paper monster finally awoke and taped for end of game mechanics.
At the end of the game the points were VERY close with the dirty salamanders barely eaking out more points across the border line but not nearly enough to make it more than a draw!
The lack of diplomacy and friendship displayed by the scaled ones displeases my tentacles greatly...
